A Wounded Bird and Colorless Wheel

It’s so sudden. This morning, fog enveloped the city. I barely see anything. Anyone who steps their foot on the pavement will be freezing. There’s no reason to go out. But not to me and Arsa, a woman covered with blood without any clothes sprawling in front of our apartment. She fainted.

When I want to make coffee, someone knocks on our door. I open it. The woman is there. As soon as she sees me, she falls. I shout Arsa’s name. He comes and helps me carry the women.

“What’s going on?” asked him.

“I don’t know. She appears with this condition.”

Slowly I clean her body of blood. It is not her blood. Then, I have no idea where it came from.

“Should we call a doctor?” asked me.
“I’ve got this.  Let me handle it,” replies him.

Arsa checks her body and concludes that the woman is still breathing. Her pulse is usual, with no broken bones or wounds. However, she is freezing. I covered her body with a blanket. Arsa says she will be okay. I also hope that. I discussed it with Arsa to call the police. But we also consider hearing her statement first. Also, we have agreed to involve the police as little as possible in our lives.

I continued my coffee. The scent of Aceh coffee filled the room. Also, I made a cup of tea for the woman, which Arsa said we would need. While sipping my coffee, I studied her. She has an average high, slim build, short curly hair, Asian color skin, and her lips a little bit pale. Slightly, I have seen a glimpse of her blue eyes. Unique for an east asian woman. I don’t know how to describe it any further. She just looks normal. Suddenly, her eyes opened. Arsa sits down right next to her. The woman remained silent. She tries to open her mouth but says nothing.

“You must be confused, either me. My name is Arsa. You suddenly faint in front of my apartment, covered with blood. Do you want some water?” said he.

The woman nodded. Arsa swiftly gives her a cup of water and helps her to sit. She drinks it without saying anything. I can understand her silence. She must be confused. Imagine waking up in a stranger’s house, cold, naked, and disoriented.

“We also have tea. It will heat you up.” I give her the tea.

“Where am I?” asked her after taking a sip.

“You are in our apartment at Farewell Street No. 9, do you remember anything?” replies Arsa.

She shook her head. “My head is blank. I don’t even know my name. Thank you for helping me. I am still shocked and feel numb. Please give me some time and also clothes. I’m sorry about this.”

Arsa nods and heads upstairs. He is back with black flannel and blue jeans in his hands. The woman takes it. We go to the kitchen and let the woman wear the clothes. I ended up reading Sputnik Sweetheart. Arsa just leaned on the sink while studying outside. The fog is still there.

“Okey, I can talk now,” she tells us.

We sit in front of her. She looks fresher now. Maybe she also washes her face while we don’t watch. She starts speaking, “First of all, I’m sorry, and thank you for saving my life. I believe you don’t take any advantage while I’m faint. Second, I don’t remember anything. I swear, I’m not a criminal. Third, what’s your plan for me?”

“First, you’re welcome. I must help you. There are two options, hand you over to the police or stay here until you remember anything. To be honest, I don’t like the first choice. We had a bad experience with those pigs. You can take the second option, of course, I don’t do something weird to you. We have the same risk here,” explains Arsa.

“I don’t like the police either. The second option has a big risk. We might hurt each other. But, how will I pay you if I choose the second option?”

“We don’t do that here.”
“Please, I don’t like it.”

“Right, I thought something. I’m a student and also a part-timer. Can you do the housekeeping while I am out? Cleaning and cooking food. Of course, I still lock some in my apartment. I let you do anything in the open area.”

“Sounds good. As far as I remember, I am good at it. By the way, I need a name. Any ideas?”

“How about Eve? It’s easy to remember.”

“I like that. Thank you very much.”

From now on, Eve is living with us. Our apartment has a new member.

***

Surprisingly, Eve’s presence brings good things to us. Arsa comes home earlier than before, eats more at home, talks more, and smiles more often. She is very cheerful and friendly. She likes the new color in our apartment. I barely talk to Eve, but I listen to what they are talking about. They talk about many things such as foods, movies–Eve watched many movies from our library–books, his studies, and life. Still, the main topic is about bringing back Eve’s memory. So far, there’s little progress. Eve starts remembering little things. But how she ended up in our apartment is still an enigma.

“I start remembering that I’ve been in art school. I don’t remember the school’s name or where the school is located. But I can remember the sensation of holding a brush, the paint scent, and my friend’s voice. It is still vague, but I’m sure it happened,” said her at one of our dinners.

“What kind of art are you doing?” I ask.

“Your voice sounds different. To answer that, I must show it.” She woke up to our computer. She searches for something and ends up showing us a woman with a parasol. The painting portrays a woman on a hill holding an umbrella, with a boy with her. Monet painted it in 1875. I love it.

“So, you are an impressionist? In 1875, Claude Monet painted it. He is an impressionist,” Arsa said.

“Maybe? I’m not sure,” replied her.

“Do you want to paint? Maybe it will help you remember things,” Arsa suggests

“Really? SURE, I will love it. Thank you, Arsa,” replied Eve.

The next day, Arsa goes to the art store and buys a lot of art supplies. Eve looks like a girl who receives a present for a good grade. She starts painting on her canvas. She is really an impressionist. The first painting is a city. It does not look like our city. Nevertheless, I can see some detail that makes it similar to this city.

I also take part in searching for information about her. I search in lots of forums on the internet. There are many missing person search forums, both national and international. I even dig the deep web for it. Also, I search for information from my relatives. But the result is a big zero. Eve is like a miracle that shows up from nowhere or for any reason. I worried she would disappear in the same way she came.

***

Day by day has passed. Today marks the third month of Eve’s arrival. We still don’t solve the enigma of her arrival and why her memories are gone. I have a theory and pieces of new information to support it. I’m not ready to say it to Arsa.

Day by day, Eve gains more bonds with him. They not only got closer, physically and emotionally but also seemed to understand each other.  Sometimes, I see Eve lean toward Arsa or hug him. Even Arsa allowed Eve to enter his room. They often talk on the bed and study the ceiling together. Sometimes they have little conflict. But after that, they become closer. It’s a good thing. He becomes happier than before. It not only makes me happy but also worried.

“Arsa, can I go out tomorrow?” asked Eve.

“Where are you going?” Arsa asks back.

“Red Plaza. Can you show me around?” replies him.

“Sure, why not!” Eve looks happy with his response.

The next day, Arsa doesn’t show up. I decided to come. I arrive at Red Plaza with a trench coat, vest, and favorite pants. Eve waits outside the station near the plaza in a dark academia outfit. The rain stopped a few minutes ago. Evening sunlight reflects on the street. Looks cool to me. It’s like a mirror.

“Hei! Where’s Arsa ?” asked her.

“He has a mental breakdown after receiving his grade. Don’t worry, I will be at your company today,” I answered.

“Ahhh, I feel bad hearing that. Alright, let’s go for a walk.”

“Nice outfit, by the way. Sometimes, I can’t differentiate you from Arsa. But, your style is better,” She added.

I nodded, then said thank you. The plaza is a large fountain pool with a monument in the middle. It depicts Tan Malaka and his friends in Persatuan Perjuangan after leading a battle against the Renville Agreement. Then, he became the Prime Minister of Indonesia. Eve looks amazed seeing the monument. The sunlight makes it look more elegant. We walked around the fountain. I can see many kids playing near the fountain. After a few steps, we decided to sit on the bench.

“What’s your feeling after living with us?” I asked.

“I can’t deny it’s one of the best moments of my life, but I need to go home,” she replied.

“We tried our best. Should we ask for help from the police?”
“No, no, no. I had bad experiences with them. Regardless of my amnesia, I feel bad.  They are just lazy pigs that burden our budget.” She crossed her finger.

“Very understandable. I believe you can go home soon. Let’s move on. What do you think about life?” asked me.

“You look like you love heavy questions, right?” she giggles.

I smile in response. Eve leans back against the bench. Her eyes gazed at the evening sky. After taking a deep breath, she looks at me.

“Life is about searching for something. Before we were born, God separated us from something that is part of us. It can be anything. It can be wealth, love, experience, you can mention it. In this world, our task is to search for it. What is for me? I don’t know. Maybe I know, but I lost my memories in the process. Maybe, I crossed the line,” she answered.

“What about you?” she continued.

I smile. “Interesting answer. I hope you find what you want. For me, life has no value.”

“Why?”

“Life has no value because it’s our task to make it has. What’s the point of our presence if we don’t give anything to live? Everyone has a purpose, right?” I explained.

“Doesn’t it burden you?” asked her again.

“No, if you know your purpose.”
“I see, and your purpose?”

“To be friends with Arsa, maybe,” I answered with a little giggle.

“He told me. You two met several years ago. He is very grateful to meet you.”

“Glad to hear that.”

We spent our time watching the bird. Eve tells me about many things with random and sometimes heavy topics. Bored, we moved to a bookstore. I buy a newspaper and give a book to her. It is Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro, who won the Nobel Prize in literature. She looks love it. Also, we tried gelato.

“Thanks for today. Let’s go home.”

I nodded.

***

Moonlight shrouds our car. A group of clouds danced around its light. We have been droved for forty minutes outside the city. I’m on the wheel. Arsa remains silent.
“We’re almost there,” said me.

“Where are we going?” he responded in a flat tone.

Despite a week having passed, I don’t believe he is in the mood due to his grade. I’m not answering his question. He didn’t look like he was expecting an answer either. After several minutes, I stopped the car. A light breeze blows as we head out.

“Follow me,” said me. He nodded in response.

We follow a trail to the forest, and with each passing minute, the trees grow denser. The Moonlight fails to aid our vision. I take the phone and turn the light on. We continue the deeper forest. The night insects grow louder as we continue our journey.

“Did you notice something?” I ask.

“This forest is strange. I see many pieces of clothes, and also some blood marks. Does something bad have to happen here?” he answered.

“You’re right. I want to tell you about my research to Eve.”

“So, how’s it going?” asked him.

I stopped. There is a small valley in front of us. The valley is surrounded by forest and bush. There’s no forest roof here, so the moonlight can brighten the Valley.  In the middle of it stands a mirror, blood, and clothes around it. A strange feeling fills me when looking in the mirror. Arsa observes the mirror. I think he also feels the same thing.

“So this is my answer. My search was done. I can’t find Eve everywhere. Certainly, I found people who look like her.  Though, they aren’t her. They have their own life. She is not from here, not from this world. An alien? No, undoubtedly a normal human. But, in some way, she was stranded here and lost her recollections.”

“I’ve read in one of Haruki Murakami’s books that this world can be seen as divided into two parts. However, using the term “divided” might not accurately describe it; it’s more like two worlds existing parallel to each other. These two worlds can be likened to two reflections in a mirror. The individuals living on one side of the mirror are the same as those on the other side. Occasionally, it is possible to traverse to the other side, although the method remains unknown. In Eve’s case, she seemingly passed through the mirror and ended up here. No one actively searched for her because there were two versions of Eve coexisting in the same world. While I understand that Murakami’s idea is fictional, it could be plausible. Furthermore, I have discovered substantial evidence supporting this notion.”

I open my bag and give pieces of paper to him. There were photos similar to the scene in front of us. The photos were taken from many places in the world. I also note a case of someone’s disappearance and where they were last seen around this mirror area. Arsa looks like wants to reply to my explanation but I cut it.

“Let me finish first. Lots of people searching for a way to go to the other side. Some of them said a hole will randomly spawn as a way to go. But no one can prove it. Some of them said these two worlds were just separated by an invisible veil. If you are lucky enough, you can feel the veil and go to another side. Lastly, some of them said there’s a gate in the formed mirror. If someone breaks it, they will arrive on the other side. But they will lose everything, including memory and clothes. Some of them found lots of evidence like flakes of mirrors, bloated clothing, and mysterious frames. That’s what I found too. This is the mirror. A way to go to the other side.”

“Those nonsenses. It feels like fiction. Are you sure this is not a prank from a random group of people or anything?” replies Arsa.

“Sadly no. You know I never lie to you and my research skill is reliable,” answer me.

Arsa sat on the ground and looked at the mirror frame.

“I know about that. But I still can’t believe it. Why do people want to go to the other side?”

“Because they search for something. They want something that they can’t find in their world. Of course, this is just my perspective. We need to ask her why she is here.”

“Wait, if people can go to the other side, can they return?”

“They can. The mirror will reform if the people who thought it comes back here.’

“So if we want Eve to return, we must bring her here?”

“Absolutely.”

“We can’t do that.”

“Why?” asked me confused.

“Why not? I want to live longer with her. She can stay.”

“Arsa, you have attached too much to her. She is a mysterious stranger. She does not belong here.” I tried to convince him.

“No, I’m not attached to her. I just try to help here. She looks like enjoying life–”

“We help her with sending her back home. Okay, we need to ask her about this,” said me.

“Okay let’s go back. I agree with that.” We came back soon after that. Leaving the frame alone with the moonlight.

I know it will happen. Soon after arriving, Arsa lies to Eve. He betrayed me by telling Eve we didn’t find anything. He says Eve can stay as long as she wants. Eve smiled and hugged him. But, I know it’s not genuine. She knows she’s lying.

The days continued. My frequency of talking to Eve is decreasing. Arsa is always talking to her. Even He starts to stop working and studying. His time at home more often. They spend time reading, cooking together, or going to the theater. Eve looks like enjoying her time with him. But sometimes I see her expression changing. I’m confident, she is just acting. My best guess is that she starts to regain her memory. I don’t like it. This situation has become worse. I tried to warn him but he ignored me and ended up becoming an observer. I let Arsa control this situation.

***

Today is more cloudy than before. Our class is canceled so we come back early. Arsa is planning to buy chicken teriyaki for our lunch.

“You know recently, Eve started ignoring me,” Arsa said.

“Maybe she just needs time to be alone. You know, losing memories is not a good experience, right? Or she starts thinking about her future,” Answer me.

We get into the car. Arsa looks like a search for something.

“What are you searching for?” asked me.

“My room’s key.”

I try to search in my bag. I can’t find anything. From here, I realize my research notes about Eve are also gone. I’m sure I’ve put it in the bag. God, I don’t like how this situation leads to.

“Arsa! We must go home immediately. Eve might go!”

“What do you mean?”

“My notes are also gone. I will never just leave it.”

“God you must be kidding.”

He panics but ends up starting the engine. Fortunately, the road is more vacant than usual. Our car flew past other cars. I can feel Arsa ’s heavy breath and his eyes glued to the road. He also might be worried about Eve. After several turns, our car arrives.

As soon as we arrive, the home looks messy. Books, papers, and ornaments are scattered all over the floor. The furniture looks flipped like someone searching for something. our computer was left on. Arsa goes upstairs. His room was also left in messy condition. My research notes are scattered. I grab it and realize some pages are missing. Someone took it.

“No one tries to break in, it’s Eve. He has gained her memory.”

“Let’s follow her.” I nodded and followed him.

We went back into the car again. Arsa started the engine on and flew to the countryside. I can’t predict how long Eve has gone. She might not be too far, arrive in the valley, or go home. It’s too sudden even though I know this day will come.

“Why did you leave your notes at home?!” Arsa yells at me.

“I’m not doing it on purpose, ok! But I must warn you about this,” I’m trying to defend myself.

“You just want to separate me from her!”He yelled again.

“No, now focus on searching for her! He might take public transportation. Looking at the bus line. She might not be far,”

We followed the bus line but got nothing. The rain also starts to pour into the earth leaving the petrichor around us. Unfortunately, the road becomes crowded. Arsa starts cursing. I try to calm him down. Slowly we arrived at the edge of the forest. Arsa runs to the forest. He slipped several times but still managed it. The rain gets heavier. I don’t know how long it takes but I feel the footpath is further than before. After feeling again, Arsa and I arrive in the valley. We were late. The mirror has broken.

Thunders clapping above us. There are no words or actions, just silence in our presence. Eve was left without any farewell. We can’t stop her or even say goodbye. She left in silence.

“We must go now before you get cold. We still need to work tomorrow,” said me.

Feebly he left the valley back to his car. I remain silent. I have no words to say. Also, he didn’t need it. He needs to understand the situation and his feelings without me. After several minutes of walking, we reach the edge of the forest. The rain has stopped but it’s getting dark.

Arsa does not get into the car. He continues to walk several tens of meters. He’s finding a vending machine. After inserting a coin, he chooses a canned coffee. One of the most popular coffees in this town. I do the same. He opens it, then drinks it while leaning on the road divider. It’s still cold anyway. The rain stopped too suddenly.

“So this is it, I am back to a lonely life. Without having a special friend or even someone to talk to, without someone to trust, and many more. Alone. Such a boring life,” he said.

“What do you mean? I’m always here,” protest me.

“I don’t even know if you are real or not. Your presence is too sudden. You might be my imaginary friend,” he answers.

“No, I’m not your imagination. I’m here. You might not see me but I’m always here. I’m you. My job is to become your friend and always be by your side.” I try to convince him and point to his chest. “I’m always here.”

Our relationship is never easy. I’m not a real person. I’m another Arsa. He can’t see me. But he always feels my presence. We share the same body. I came several years ago and started to talk with him. Sometimes he always denied me but last year he started accepting me.

“There’s no more important person than yourself. You must remember that. Now we must go home and forget everything,” said me again.

He sighed, “You might be right. Everyone has their job. My job was done. I never set a price from the start. If I got nothing, that’s not my client’s fault,” said he calmly.

“Let us celebrate our failure.” I raise my can.

“There’s no failure. It’s just life, but I’m in.”

Tonight our job is done. We went back home, to our boring life. A wheel without color.

***

Today our university is more crowded than before. I see more people. The corridor is full of people. They chat, argue, read, or simply sit, and are busy with their phone. We have finished a conference today. I recommend searching for some food. But I doubt we can get any food in the cafeteria.

BRAKK

Without realizing it, someone has hit us. I feel pain in my stomach. The hitter has the same fate as us. She falls and hugs her stomach. Several books were scattered around us.

“Are you okay?” Arsa tries to wake up and gives her a hand.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry anyway. I’m in a hurry. Then, I think this book is too much.” She reaches for our hand and gets up.

“It’s okay. Let me help you.” Without hesitation, Arsa gathers the books. She does the same thing. I notice something from her. She looks familiar, an East Asian girl with blue eyes.

“Thank you so much. I don’t know how I can pay you. I’m new here as a lecture assistant,” said her while bowing.

“It’s nothing, what’s your name? I’m Arsa, nice to meet you,” reply Arsa.

“I’m Hawa, nice to meet you.”

Editor: Jeni Rima Puspita

Illustrated by Hamidatul Hawa Rahmadini